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Ok so it's almost the end of the month and it's almost the end of the week so that's a good excuse to go a little crazy and not think about anything too serious ... although maybe you might find something here just a little scary.

Google updates
Do you remember me saying that Google updates around 500 times a year? If you don't remember me saying that then you either weren't listening, you weren't paying attention or you missed the memo.

Actually Google has, for a couple of years now, been telling anyone who will listen that algorithm updates were happening around 500 times a year but maybe that's not enough for you ... maybe you would like more. If that's the case then you shall have more ... a lot more.

Just recently one of Google's mouthpieces indicated in a Google Hangout that Google is now updating its algorithms around 1,000 times a year. Sadly my tiny brain just can't comprehend everything that must go into producing a search engine update ... and 1000 of them every year is simply mind blowing. So you just have to wonder if there is anyone who now has some idea of the structure of the Google brain.

Google's algorithm must be highly complex to be able to "think" its way through ranking results, in a way that makes sense, in response to Billy Bob Jo from Lower Bum Fuck Arkansas doing a search for porn while someone at the other end of the spectrum is searching for some obscure reference to quantum physics. And the fact that all that complexity that just goes on becoming more complex every time there is an update makes you wonder if anyone at Google actually has any control over the Google brain anymo09re.

What if Google's "brain" is now so highly evolved that it can "think" for itself?

Maybe we're not there yet but it certainly is becoming complicated ... so complicated that adding more changes to it seems to be taking a huge amount of time. When Google recently released their long awaited Panda update Google admitted that they couldn't just switch the update on, what they had to do was introduce the bear over a much longer period than what we have seen in the past.

Need to translate your page?
My partner has long had an itch that sometimes lays dormant for months at a time before erupting into a frenzied attempt to tap into the Chinese market. And who wouldn't want to try at tap into that market, with 618 million Internet users and over 300 million people who have already shopped online the Chinese market looks rich and fertile ... and it is.

You just have to learn how to tap into that market with a product that you're allowed to sell in China and that the Chinese consumers want. Then of course you have to hire an interpreter to rewrite the sales text on your pages so that the Chinese can read it.

But who needs an interpreter when you're a brawny beer-swilling Aussie bloke like my partner? He's not dumb, he may not be able to speak Chinese but he knows all about those virtual foreign language keyboards that are available online. All you have to do with those things is add the text that you want to interpret on one side and the interpretation will appear on the other side ... or at least something close to the interpretation will appear there.

But then again, maybe what appears there might look as though it's Chinese but will it actually read in the way that text should read? My man decided that the sensible thing to do would be to check before he rushed in and dumped all the text from a new website into the translator.

So he typed two words into the keyboard and the waited for the Chinese script to appear. When it did appear he copied and pasted the Chinese characters into Google and in a few seconds had search results that were totally unrelated to the two words that he had started with.

So he then took the Chinese characters back to the online translator and had it translate the Chinese script into English. Remember, he originally typed in just two words using the virtual Chinese keyboard?

Well somehow those two words had turned into a whole lot more because the Chinese language keyboard had converted those two words into six words ... "Soil desert ant corpse cut edge" ... words that had absolutely no relevance to the two words he had originally started off with.

So if you're thinking of taking the cheap option of getting some virtual online translator to translate the English text on your website to something that the Chinese can read then perhaps you need to check the quality of the output before you waste too much of your time.

You just never know what offensive things you might be saying to people you are trying to impress.