A Lonely Death
Posted On: 2008-03-31
One of the biggest problems we face in this industry, regardless of whether we're selling mainstream or adult, is isolation. So many of us work from home and it's so easy to lose touch with the real world. We sit at our computers day after day for long long hours and we have no contact with anyone.
Oh sure others might see our posts on message boards and they may see that we're online on ICQ or some other instant messaging system but are we really there? The lights might be on but is there anyone really home and is there anyone who really cares if we are or we aren't? Will anyone notice if one day we stop appearing on message boards and instant messaging systems?
It seems that the reality is that we may not be missed at all. Last Friday a well-known GFY poster was found dead in his apartment ... and he had been dead for over a month. He lived alone, apparently had no living relatives and when he passed away no one noticed that he wasn't around anymore.
So will anyone really miss you if you were to die suddenly or would it be weeks before anyone even noticed that you weren't posting on the message boards anymore? For some of us though what happened in this case is unlikely to happen to us because we have close family, we don't live alone and people would notice if we weren't around but if you're a bit of a loner there's a warning for you.
While the guy who passed away had some serious health problems and probably couldn't get out much all that doesn't apply to all of us. For many of us it's just too comfortable to stay safe in our homes or apartments and even a trip to the mail box can feel quite threatening. Steve and I can sure make it well beyond the mail box but big crowds bother us so we tend avoid lots of people.
If you're like us then you really do need to get out and go where people are. You need to get to know people, make friends, be missed if you're not there and live life to the fullest. The same advice applies if you're one of those people who like to be alone. You still need friends, you still need to go out and you still need to be missed.
And if you just can't go out then start establishing contact with people other than via ICQ. It might be last century technology but the phones still do work in most places so don't be afraid to pick up the phone and talk to people. And if you're on the receiving end of a call from someone like that spare them a little time ... they need it and you just never know when you might need the same kindness.
So if you're making sure this doesn't happen to you then you also need to be making sure it doesn't happen to others. If you don't see someone that you know well around on ICQ or on the boards then don't just let it slide ... get in touch with them, make sure they're alright, call them, ICQ them, email them. Do whatever it takes to get some response from them.
If you don't get that response then start asking on the boards for anyone who has heard from them; find someone in the same city or town and get them to go round and bang on their door, check with neighbors and if you're still worried inform the police. Yes, that's how serious it can be because you never know, your care and concern could be the difference between them living or dying.
It probably wouldn't have made much difference in the case of the guy from GFY because he had those serious health problems and his ending was probably very quick but accidents can happen around the home to healthy people. And healthy people can become so incapacitated that they can't get help and they too can die.
As I said the other day, life is fragile ... even when you're healthy ... so you really do need to become part of a social network and you really do need to play an active and positive role in that social network because isolation is a problem for us and it can be a killer too. We don't really want to read on a message board about you being found in a similar situation to this poor guy so get out there and get with people.